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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25206265">Some Kind of Disaster</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/evies_kenobi/pseuds/evies_kenobi'>evies_kenobi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Badass, Badass Female, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Trauma, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapped, Mandalorian who had her helmet removed, Pre-Canon, Soft Din Djarin (sometimes), The Mandalorian is soft, and mando helps her, imperial - Freeform, post-Empire, saf needs a hug, she is very angry, this started with her teasing mando and now it's a mess of a fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:40:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,970</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25206265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/evies_kenobi/pseuds/evies_kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SAFFOSH ZAUL OR SIMPLY SAF WAS ONCE A MANDALORIAN. She was a prolific Bounty Hunter but after being captured by the Imperial army, her helmet was removed and her title was stripped from her. Trapped with what was left of the Imperials, she eventually managed to escape by the skin of her teeth. She found her way back to Nevarro but she couldn't return to the Mandalorians now. Lost and broken, Din Djarin or Mando (one of her oldest friends) found her and helped her back to her feet. Watching as the once brave warrior was but a shell of the woman she was.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Din Djarin/Original Female Character(s), The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV) &amp; Original Character(s), The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Original Character(s), The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          Each step took Saf closer and closer to freedom. Her chest heaving as she gripped the copper helmet in her clammy palm. Her head lifted and shot from side to side. Her feet carrying her down yet another long winding corridor. The glaring white lights making the dull throb against her temple intensify.</p><p>          The surroundings were unfamiliar. She had not left her cell until an hour ago. The walls caging her in as the prisoner she was. The long corridors of the Imperial base were leaving her disorientated, the same grey dull walls and tiled floors meeting her wherever she turned. She could have put her helmet on and let it assist her but it was forbidden. Against the Creed, she'd sworn to. It had been removed and though the weight of that thought was crushing, she shoved it to one side. Not letting it consume her as it had for the past year.</p><p>          There were shouts and the alarms began to blare in her ear. The throbbing turning into a loud clang against her temple as she squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to keep them open, knowing she had to keep moving. The lights flashed red intermittently as she let out a sharp hiss of pain. The wave of pain flowing through her body reminding her of yet another injury. The blaster wound on the side of her stomach was red and angry, bleeding drops of crimson onto her dirted-grey shirt. She looked away from it and attempted to shake away the feeling of pain. She had been through worse. This could not distract her.</p><p>          She was still for a moment, her brain processing every possibility. Every way out of this base. It was a labyrinth and she was the rat. She could not fail. The deep inhale allowed her mind to calm, letting her thoughts clear. There was a way out and she had seen it. Only once.</p><p>          The blindfold had covered her eyes but she had looked down, managing a glimpse at the corridors. From the snippets, she remembered how the walls had changed colours. The grey dull walls changing into a deep red hue as they got closer to the exit. She just had to find that. She knew where she had been. She knew where she had to go. She had no course in mind, no way to find one but she could do it. The scraps had to be enough.</p><p>It had to be.</p><p>          So with a heavy breath, her stomach twisting in pain as she pushed forward again. Her feet carried her, the soles crying in agony at the overuse but she ignored it. Her gaze flicked between the corridors and she took a left and ran.</p><p>          Suddenly there were blasters firing around her. The noise filling the air as it made her headache come back twice as strong. She had to push it back. Her chest heaving, her muscles screaming as she ducked and barely dodged the shots fired her way. Her lungs were burning. She could do this. She just had to get around this corner. She could ambush them. She could do this.</p><p>          She took the closest corner to her and practically dived to the side. She rolled and kneeled, panting softly. Her gaze then turned up and she realised she was at a dead end. A growl escaped her lips as she looked at it before her body gave in. Collapsing against it, her throat tightening as her hand balled into a fist. She was breathing heavily still, trying to get the air into her lungs as she waited for the stormtroopers to round the corner. She had to come up with something and quickly.</p><p>          The stormtroopers had arrived and they ceased fire, watching her, crumpled against the wall. Her head resting against the dull grey and her hands stayed balled at her sides. The footsteps told her there were only three. They would be easy to kill. She just hoped her body didn't give in before then. Three years without so much as running around had left it weak.</p><p>         The sound of handcuffs was the only thing that could be heard before the stormtrooper moved along the floor. The clack of their shoes against the tile, telling her there was only one. A dangerous move. A risky move. She prayed her body would listen to her, for just a little longer.</p><p>          She felt the stormtrooper kneel down, the creaking of armour as it reached out to her hands. But she was too quick. She twisted to face him and slammed her fist into his armoured helmet, the helmet crumbling under the force. She then lifted her own helmet into the air. A blur of cooper moving towards the stormtrooper's head as she slammed it. The movement making the stormtrooper fall unconscious, slumping against the floor. The blaster fire starting up again but she had a weapon and a shield now.</p><p>          Her hand grabbed the blaster and she looked at the helmet for a moment. She had no choice, she couldn't leave the helmet behind. She would rather be slaughtered than leave it behind so she slipped it on. It seemed to reject her, the usual systems not appearing. Having it on her head made her feel dirty, her hair falling to the outside due to how it had grown. It felt unfamiliar and it felt wrong but she couldn't discard her. The helmet was her life. She could see through it and a few shots bounced off it, protecting her, as she grabbed the stormtrooper from the floor.</p><p>         She promptly stood, holding the stormtrooper against her like it weighed nothing. Her body was letting her do what she needed though it was reluctant, slow. Not what she wanted. But it was enough. She was a Mandalorian. The helmet on her head making her feel complete, whole again despite the want to yank it off her head. It was against the Creed.</p><p>          "Put him down, Mandalorian scum," One of the two remaining stormtroopers said through the modulator. His voice was deeper and robotic as he held the blaster up. Saf chuckled, taking a step forward, her stolen blaster up and dragging the stormtrooper as her protector. Even if he was unconscious.</p><p>          The stormtrooper threatened her again, the gun being pointed towards her head as she silently stared at him. Her expression turning neutral. It seemed, for a second, like she was going to surrender. But she lifted the blaster up and shot the stormtrooper that was silently waiting for his next command. The shot was through the head and the one left was quick to try and blast her. The shots raining down on her as she pulled her shield to protect her. Her arms shaking from the weight of him.</p><p>          Her arm darted out to try and shoot the remaining stormtrooper but that was a mistake. She heard the shot before she felt it crack her shoulder piece. The metal falling to the floor with a loud clang that rang in her ears. Her mouth falling open at the sight before the rage took over. She lifted the blaster and shot, kept shooting until she was sure there would be no way of surviving. The body collapsed against the floor and she let out a ragged breath, pulling the helmet off her head again. It made her feel weird still wearing it.</p><p>          The wave of pain washed over her as her gaze moved to her shoulder. Half the shoulder piece was still attached to her ragged clothing but the rest was on the floor, shattered. She didn't have the time to take it with her so left it, taking a step forward. The armour was of no use to her now. It was her Mandalorian armour, she couldn't use it after this. The second she could, she had to get rid of it. That part of her was to die and disappear.</p><p>          Though she was sure to the rest of the galaxy. She was already gone. There was no doubt in her mind that she was assumed dead. Her place in the Guild was probably filled by another Mandalorian. They were hiding out and if she never returned, someone likely took her place. Just the thought of that made her heart ache. She just hoped it was someone good, worthy of freedom.</p><p>          She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked down at her helmet. She had to get rid of this too. Just as soon as she got out of this Maker-forsaken base. At least now she had a weapon, she had the means to defend herself. Not just her fists and a lack of physical activity which left her weak and useless in combat. She had a way to shoot her enemies if anyone stood in her way. The blaster stayed by her side, her finger hovering over the trigger and she was ready to fire at any given moment. Her heart thumped against her ribcage as she took each corridor slower than a few minutes earlier. She had to take this slowly, especially with her shoulder exposed.</p><p>          Her movements continued to be slow and then she spotted a stormtrooper. They were distracted, looking down at a datapad. She smirked but then they turned to face her. Her heart jumped to her throat but she quickly lifted the blaster. Taking one shot and they were dead. The body collapsing, the datapad clattering against the tiled floor. She prayed he was alone.</p><p>          Her footsteps moved silently closer and when she looked over, she could see the heat signatures moving on the datapad. The entrances marked out and the labyrinth of rooms and corridors on display to her. The elation filled her chest and she quickly snatched it up. She looked down at the stormtrooper, muttering a sarcastic 'thanks' before she moved on. She could find out who stood in her way now.</p><p>          The thought of fighting her way out gave her a spike of adrenaline that she welcomed. It was a feeling that she had been deprived of for almost three years and it was exhilarating to have it back. Her heart was still thumping and her hands were clammier than earlier. Her skin warm to the touch and her face red from the exertion. But her muscles had yet to give up on her, her grip stayed firmly on her Mandalorian helmet and the datapad.</p><p>          She kept her gaze on the heat signatures and the map as she took each corridor with a mixture of running and walking. She thankfully hadn't lost the ability to mask her footsteps, making her nearly impossible to detect as she moved closer and closer to the exit. She then heard the conversation of stormtroopers. The alarms felt like they were blaring louder now, the conversation muffled. It was just a group, maybe seven stormtroopers. It was easy work, really.</p><p>          Saf pushed herself against the wall, closing her eyes for a moment. The adrenaline was good but she couldn't go in cocky. It would end in her own death. So she just let herself slowly calm. Taking a few soft deep breaths. Her gaze then flicked to her hands, her helmet in her left hand and the blaster in the right one. The datapad was discarded on the floor now, she didn't need it now she was at the exit. She faced the wall, taking a soft deep breath as she moved so her side was against the wall. She then peeked around the corner, quickly ducking back before they saw her. She could get at least one of them. She then looked around again. Firing off a shot and the shot hit a stormtrooper. She listened as they collapsed to the floor and there were mutters of confusion before they turned to movement.</p><p>          She looked at the corridor opposite her, it was a shorter one. It would provide her better cover and she supposed if she ran across, she could try and take one or two more out. She could hear them muttering plans to each other and she took a deep breath. She adjusted her grip on the blaster and then took off, running to the other side. Her blaster shooting off multiple shots and she heard the pain of a stormtrooper and then a flurry of movement.</p><p>          She then took off down the corridor, hiding in the cover of a doorway. A stormtrooper blasting at her from behind. Her heart was thumping as she tried to shoot the stormtrooper from her position. The door slightly ajar and she pushed it fully open. She ducked inside and hid behind the door. The blaster shots stopping and she let out a soft sigh of relief.</p><p>          She could hear footsteps, her chest still heaving as she felt the sweat dripping down her face. It stung the wound on her cheek but she just wiped the sweat away, centring herself. As soon as the stormtrooper came through the door she could blast it. She then heard a shout and another set of footsteps moving. The clacking against the floor making her chest tighten as she rested her head against the door.</p><p>          Then a trio of stormtroopers came into the room and she slammed the door shut behind them, lifting her blaster and shooting. She didn't even wince or blink as she shot the three. All of them being perfect shots to the chest. Only one managed to get a shot and it hit her in the side of the stomach, renewing the previously scabbed over wound. She hissed and the blood began to leak as she stumbled against the wall. She really needed to get some armour again.</p><p>          She then pulled the door open and stepped out. It was only two left, she was sure of that. She could get rid of them. It had to be easy otherwise she'd bleed out before she ever got out of this Maker-forsaken base. As the last pair of stormtroopers rounded the corner, she shot. Her reflexes taking care of them before she had even registered them there consciously. The shots were in quick succession, neither of them having time to even respond before they were dead. She let out a soft breath of relief as she let her hand fall to her side. Using the back of her hand to wipe the sweat from her forehead. She could just get out now.</p><p>          But it wasn't that simple. Nothing ever was. There was a sudden bang from behind her as the blaster bolt shot into her wrist. The sound had disorientated her for a moment and the Mandalorian helmet had dropped from her hand, the metal clanging against the tiles. She cried out in pain as she squeezed her eyes shut. She then reminded herself that she needed to get them. She was going to die if she didn't get them.</p><p>          But she quickly twisted around, shooting blindly for the stormtrooper before she could even see them, the blaster shot hitting them right as she made eye contact with their helmet. He dropped to the floor and their partner seemed to stop in their tracks. She hadn't even seen the other stormtrooper at first but they seemed to be scared.</p><p>          They stood back and promptly began to run away but Saf gritted her teeth, the blaster lifting up. She was not merciful. She aimed the blaster with purpose, making sure she was precise. Then she shot, it hit them in the back towards the stomach, hitting their spine as they collapsed to the floor, crying out in agony. Saf just stared, debating whether to walk over to them. Make them suffer but she was better than that. She took a step back, beginning to walk towards the exit.</p><p>    They seemed to be begging her to help them as she grabbed her helmet from the floor. She was nursing her wrist as she turned away. They couldn't move and she listened as they begged, cried out in agony. But she left, all the same, the exit opened and she was met with the cold of the planet but she pushed through. She needed to get to Nevarro. She needed to get away from the Imperials. She needed to go home but did she really have a home anymore?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter! This story has been something that kind of just snowballed. And if anyone is curious to know, I personally picture Saf as Jaimie Alexander ( playing Lady Sif in Thor )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's been two years and Saf has found herself with Mando, her oldest friend. However, she is still struggling with the loss of her Mandalorian status.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>2 YEARS LATER...</em>
</p><p>          Saf was sat in the cockpit of the Razor Crest. The engine hummed as they travelled through hyperspace. Mando was taking a shower from what she recalled him saying and that left her to wallow in the cockpit. She was watching the ship and would land it if they arrived sooner than expected. Though that seemed unlikely.</p><p>          The Mandalorian helmet she once wore proudly on her head was in her lap. She hadn't put it back on since that day on Ando Prime and had never dared to tell Mando she had put it back on after it was removed. She hadn't ever been sure how he would react so she never risked telling him what she had done.</p><p>          She was staring at her reflection through the helmet and let the frown spread on her lips. Her hair had grown out since the helmet was originally taken off. It was past her shoulder and it felt long compared to her chin-length hair she once sported. She had cut it multiple times since her imprisonment but she never let herself cut it back to its old length. It felt wrong to do it. It felt like a sin and she'd already committed plenty of them over her life.</p><p>          Her free hand ran through her hair and she sighed softly, her hand falling back against her lap. She hated it. It just reminded her of the fact she was not the same woman she had once been.</p><p>          But instead of wallowing, she let her gaze turn back to the helmet on her lap. It was a copper-ish brown colour and was made of Droitine. A relatively strong substance that most of her armour was once made of. She had adorned her helmet and her armour proudly. Never taking it off, she often had slept in it purely out of habit. Now she could never put her helmet back on, never put it on her head. She still had a few pieces of her armour but it wasn't enough for her to properly wear. She had to get new armour and it wasn't as strong as what she once had.</p><p>          Now, as she stared at the helmet she wasn't sure how she had resisted the temptation to put it back on after that day on Ando Prime. Maybe it was the fact that the helmet had rejected her presence or the fact that it felt almost criminal to have it over her head. Or most likely it was due to the fact that Mando never let it get close enough for her to wear it.</p><p>          Having it on her lap and being able to touch it was a rarity for her. She had only managed to sneak it away to admire it a few times. Mando knew she was often tempted by it because he knew he would feel the same way so as they'd agreed. It would just be easier.</p><p>          She turned the helmet over tenderly and let her fingers caress along the bottom of the helmet. Her fingers dipping in as she felt the padding that she had to repair once or twice. It had often become rough and loose from constant use and her consistent rough-housing especially with the quarries she collected. She smiled sadly at that memory but the sad smile turned to a frown quickly as she lifted the helmet up.</p><p>          It was staring at her now, the helmet still feeling somewhat alive. It was staring, glaring at her. Belittling her for letting it be taken off. She kept it's gaze though, admiring it before she had enough. The scrutiny from the inanimate object was too harsh. She lifted her knees up to her chest and rested it against her knee, the visor facing away from her. Her head resting against it as her arm kept it in place. She just wanted to keep it close.</p><p>          She wasn't sure why she still even had the helmet. It had been over three years since she had lost the right to wear it. Since she was stripped of the title unknown to everyone she knew. Well, almost everyone. Mando was the only one who knew. The rest of the Tribe thought she was dead. She preferred it that way.</p><p>          She took a long intake of breath before she gently shook her head, sighing softly once again. She didn't understand why she still kept it. Her gaze turned back to it again as she lifted her head. Using her sleeve to wipe away the fingerprints she'd left on the visor, she looked at herself again. She never had a choice in taking this helmet off. She hated that and it made the heart ache she constantly felt worse whenever the memories came flooding back.</p><p>          It wasn't even her own hands that took it off, it was a scummy Imperial warlord. Some self-righteous man that had nothing better to do with his time than torture people. An Imperial Warlord had made her lose that title, seen her face. The first living creature to see her face in multiple decades. It made her feel nauseous, sick to her stomach. Her mind often thought back to his smug face, the way he enjoyed her pain as she cried out in agony.</p><p>          The torture didn't stop with removing her helmet. That warlord had hurt her, tortured her. He didn't do it for information or for any sort of reward, he did it because he was bored and she was glad when she got to shoot him in the head when she escaped that Imperial base. She was glad she had watched him die, tortured him before he died painfully. It had been therapeutic, knowing the bastard was dead but it didn't stop the anger. Nothing seemed to stop the anger. It was a constant Force reminding her that she would never be the same person she was.</p><p>          But now was not the time for anger. That anger was saved for quarries who were horrific criminals or people. The human traffickers and the slave owners. For people who deserved her wrath, not for Mando or his ship. Not for this. Her hand rested on the bottom of the helmet and she lifted it up.</p><p>          She wasn't sure what compelled her but she began to bring it towards her head. The metal was shining and tempting her as it came closer to her head. Then the deep modulated voice of her oldest and only friend interrupted her. He stopped her in her tracks.</p><p>          "You can't put it back on," He reminded her, his gloved hand moving to push the helmet back down in its position on her knees. The frown spread across her lips and she looked up at him. Her head falling back against the chair as she felt the lump in her throat forming. She just wanted to feel normal again. Like the woman she once was but she couldn't. It was against the Creed and the woman she once was would never break the Creed. She let her hands relax and the helmet stayed perfectly balanced on her knees as her hands fell to her lap.</p><p>          "I know." She managed after a moment of silence. He was staring at her and she kept his gaze, wondering what he looked like behind that mask. She had seen him once when she was a child when they were saved. She had caught a long glimpse of him but never again. She often wondered if he'd grown up handsome but she would never know. He, well, he knew how she had grown up. It felt almost unfair that she had no idea what was under that mask but she wasn't going to let him break the Creed too.</p><p>          "You forget," He reminded her as he moved away from her. He then sat down in the captain's seat. His posture was as good as always as he checked over the panel before he turned in his chair. He looked at her in the eyes, his hands resting on the armrests as he waited for her to respond. She shrugged a little and the helmet wobbled but she swiftly brought it back down to her chest. Her feet falling from the edge of the chair to the floor. Mando didn't like boots on the chair. The soft tap of her boots against the metal filled the silence.</p><p>          "I'm trying," She muttered half-heartedly. She was. She was trying but she wasn't at the same time. She placed the helmet on the arm of the chair. Her hands moved to rest in her lap again as she laced her fingers together. She just didn't know what to do or how to stop herself. The temptation had become increasingly harder to resist and he could tell. He knew he had to hide it somewhere safer now.</p><p>          "This is not the first time," He said before he turned to check their position and how long it would be until they reached Nevarro, their dropoff point. She watched him for a moment, just watching silently. Her fingers played with each other as she stared at him.</p><p>          "It's difficult. I didn't choose to take it off, I had no choice," She tried to explain but as always, her explanations fell flat. She had always felt unable to express her feelings, ever since she was a child, like most Mandalorians. She had opted to be a woman of few words and keep herself to herself. Not like she really had a choice, she was the only Mandalorian allowed out for the longest time. Now, she was no longer a Mandalorian, her helmet didn't cover her emotions. She couldn't be a woman of few words anymore yet she still tried.</p><p>          Clearly she was no longer the only Mandalorian allowed out. That must have changed when she disappeared because Mando was in front of her. They had never told the Tribe that she was alive, there was no point really. She was no longer a Mandalorian. In their eyes, Mando should have left her when she came to Nevarro looking for help. But Mando didn't, he protected her, brought her under his wing. He couldn't believe she was alive and didn't want to let her go off again. He knew she would have died if he didn't help her. She was a shell of the woman she was.</p><p>          "There's always a choice," He said, not thinking about his words before they slipped out. The modulator somehow made his tone harsher than he had intended. His hands stopping, hovering where they were at his own words. But he tried to continue with his task as she scoffed and snatched the helmet up. She walked towards the door. Her jaw clenching and her hand hovering over the button that would open the door out. Did she want to argue with him? Was she going to try and convince him even though he was already on her side?</p><p>          "I was tortured, Mando." She began. Yes. She was. She didn't know why she felt the need but she did anyway, "They laughed as I cried, wanting nothing more than to die. I had broken the Creed and I would rather have died but they kept me at the brink of death. Kept me alive just to let me suffer. Let me wallow in the fact that my helmet had been removed and I had nowhere to call home. That warlord relished in my pain!" She shouted, her anger rising as she stared him down. Glaring at the back of his head as her fists clenched at her sides, "I could have put the helmet on again when I escaped, pretend like they didn't torture me but I didn't. You will never understand how hard that was." She said, her voice quieter now as the tears sprung to her eyes. Her vision blurred as her throat tightened. She pushed her hands through her hair, taking a deep breath as she tried to stop the tears.</p><p>          He didn't turn around for a moment, looking at the navicomputer. As the silence grew increasingly deafening between them, he turned around. His actions were slow and he simply held his hand out, for the helmet. Not to comfort her. To hold her. No. For the stupid helmet. So she didn't break the Creed... again.</p><p>          She slammed the helmet into his hand and he looked at her. She could tell he was staring right at her even through the helmet that concealed them from view. A few stray tears falling down her cheeks as she stared at him, glassy-eyed.</p><p>          "This is the way," He declared. She stared at him for just a moment. Saying nothing, staying silent. Her fingers then gently wiped away the tears from her face. She took a deep breath before she softly repeated the mantra back to Mando. That mantra had kept them both grounded. Reminded her why, even though she was no longer a Mandalorian, she still followed the creed.</p><p>          With the dull ache in her chest, she turned away, leaving him in the cockpit as she disappeared back to her own room. She needed time away from him. She didn't know what to do with herself but she knew that she needed a quarry. Something to help her released the anger into the world. She couldn't let it turn inwards and she couldn't let it turn on Mando.</p><p>          If it turned on Mando he probably would never forgive her. She would probably never be allowed back with him. He would abandon her as any sane person would. So, as she collapsed against the bunk, she let her eyes close. She just needed to sleep it off. She would be fine after a nap. Her naps were an emotional reset. Which was what she needed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>━━━━</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>           Mando had been gone for a few hours now. They had arrived on Nevarro not that long ago and that gave Saf some time alone. She wasn't allowed out of the ship. Everyone believed that she was dead and they were content with keeping it that way for as long as possible. Saf didn't want to face the humiliation and hurt from it.</p><p>          Saf had been part of the Guild once just like Mando was now. She was prolific and gave Greef Karga and the Guild a very respectable reputation. It was made even better when everyone found out that she was a Mandalorian. It seemed though that the Guild was just as prolific now. She hadn't visited since she died. She just let herself be a Ghost and wondered if anyone even remembered her. Not that it really mattered. The more she was forgotten, the better it was. Mando had taken her place yet she missed the bounty hunter life.</p><p>          So rather than being an official bounty hunter herself, she assisted with Mando's quarries, not that he really needed it. He was perfectly capable at everything but it was nice to have a partner to help him out whenever it was necessary. The reward had always been split between them both but Mando kept the credits for safe-keeping. Saf had never really needed them and could always ask for some if she happened to for one reason or another. It was how it had been for the last year and it had worked so she wasn't going to complain.</p><p>          Saf was rolling off her bunk now. She had been sulking since Mando was gone and she really shouldn't have. She needed to just have some alone time with Mando getting more quarries. She could meditate or train. Do something other than sulk but by the time she had changed into the training gear, Mando was back.</p><p>          She heard the clang as the ramp lifted up and she sighed softly. She stepped out from her room, pulling a jacket around her. He looked fed up even if she couldn't see his face. He had a few tracking fobs in his hand and ignored her as he walked back up towards the cockpit.</p><p>          Her eyebrows furrowed together and she closed her bunk door as she followed after him. He was usually glad to get the quarries but now he just seemed miserable. She knew it wasn't her place to make sure he was okay or just care for him generally but she couldn't help the worry.</p><p>          Despite how much of an ass he can be from time-to-time, Mando was her oldest friend. Someone she cared about more than anyone else in the world and she just wanted to make sure he was okay. She almost fell flat on her face when the ship lurched, taking off already. She pushed herself up from the floor and stumbled into the cockpit. She sat in the seat to the right of Mandos and strapped herself in.</p><p>          "Thanks for the warning," She muttered under her breath as he headed up. Nevarro quickly disappeared beneath them as the ship flew up into the clouds. Her stomach flipping, she still wasn't used to Mando's flying. They weren't bad by any means, he was just rougher and quicker than what she was used to.</p><p>          "We're going to Naboo," Mando said as he set the coordinates into the navicomputer. Saf raised an eyebrow at that. Naboo had always been out of their fly zone. It was too close to the New Republic, there was too much risk of being caught if they went to Naboo. But now he was?</p><p>          "Why?" She asked as Mando flicked a few buttons. He was getting ready to send them into hyperspace when the ship reached the jump point. She was leaning back against the chair, her head tilting as she looked at him. This was very much unlike him. He knew his bounds and he never strayed from them. Mando was a man that very rarely strayed from what he'd say.</p><p>          "Because that's where the bounty is," He responded and she sighed. She just went silent, thinking it over in her head. This was unlike him and she was just trying to work him out. It was moments like these that she wished he didn't have a helmet. She wished it had been removed like hers. Then she would scold herself for being so cruel. Wishing that fate on anyone was cruel, nothing like Saf, yet she wanted to. Just for someone to feel the pain she had.</p><p>          "You don't like going in the Mid Rim," She muttered and he turned to look at her, letting the ship cruise towards the point. The autopilot was doing most of the work now and he'd flicked it on.</p><p>          "It's the highest bounty the Guild had on offer," He responded. She furrowed her eyebrows and unbuckled her seatbelt. But just as she did so, the ship had turned unexpectedly and threw her onto Mando as she lost balance. She sighed and pushed off him, muttering an apology.</p><p>           "Are we low on credits?" She asked softly and he shrugged. He turned around, reaching out to press another few buttons. The jump point was getting much closer now. Saf was now left to stare at the back of that metal helmet as he prepared the ship for the jump. If they were low on credits, she didn't understand why he wouldn't have said. If they were desperate, she could find herself some mercenary work. Do something where she wouldn't be recognised.</p><p>          "How much longer are you staying with me?" Mando asked, his usual bluntness evident. Her frown deepened as she put her hands in the pockets of her jacket. His gaze not moving off the control panel as he checked everything over. She stepped back from the cockpit and gripped onto the wall as the ship lurched. The Razor Crest being sent into hyperspace.</p><p>           "As long as you'll let me," She responded though the pit in her stomach was filling her mind with other anxious thoughts. He didn't want you here. He just wants you to leave, you're burdening him. You're nothing but a useless waste of space. He nodded and she gently shook her head. The thoughts winning over despite her trying to rationalise what was happening.</p><p>          He had been the one that took her with him. He was the one that picked her up and helped her. He was the one keeping her in check, training her, helping her get back on her feet. Stopping her from breaking the Creed. He was the one that did that. He couldn't want her gone, right?</p><p>          But as usual, Saf's own anxieties were winning out. No matter how much rationality she was using, they seemed to be dominant. Telling her that she wasn't wanted. She wished that she could ignore them but it was difficult. Especially when she couldn't even tell how he felt. She pressed the button next to the door that let her back into the corridor.</p><p>          "I'm going to train and then probably sleep," She muttered softly, probably not even speaking loud enough for him to hear. The door closed behind her as she climbed down to the hull of the ship. She just had to try and train, it would help her feel a little better. It would maybe calm her down, let the anxieties out. She wasn't sure whether it would help at all but she just wanted to do something.</p><p>          So she hauled the punching bag from the cupboard and positioned it in the middle of the floor. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail and wrapped the cloth around her fists. If it was her choice, she would be fighting a training droid but Mando's constant mistrust of the robots meant she had to be old fashioned. Though she had grown to like the punching bag.</p><p>          Rather than getting her to fight, it just improved her punching technique which was good. Her hand-to-hand combat had always been her weakest part of her training. She had been an amazing shooter and she was strong but often fumbled when she attempted this sort of combat.</p><p>          While Saf began to train, Mando was sitting in the cockpit. He could hear her, her fists hitting the punching bag and her panting as it became more intense for her. They were in hyperspace now and he could probably sleep or do something that was worth his time but for right now, he was just going to listen to her.</p><p>          He hated how he had made her feel. He had seen it on her face, the dejection and sadness but he just hoped he could make it up to her somehow. Saf was his oldest friend and they'd been through everything together. They were the pair that were let out until eventually, only Saf was allowed out. Though that was mostly due to Mando's stupid mistakes.</p><p>          When she never came back, he'd thought he'd lost her. Finding out that he hadn't was a relief. He was glad that she was still alive even if she was barely the woman she used to be. He had made it his mission to help her be the woman she used to be but knew he was going about it the wrong way. Yet he didn't know how else to do it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>excuse the awful summary at the top and thank you if you made it this far &lt;333 i'm having a lot of fun writing this and i do hope you guys are enjoying it! thank you for reading! i really appreciate it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Leavings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Saf was beginning to doubt whether Mando truly wanted her around and was ready to leave but maybe he didn't want her to go.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          Saf was awoken by the ship lurching as they landed on Naboo. It threw her off her cot and she landed on the floor with a loud grunt, her hip colliding with the duristeel harshly. Her body slamming against the floor, the cold metal pressing against her body before she pushed herself up. Her now bruised hip throbbing gently as she moved to sit up. The bruise was already forming after the rough landing but it was all part of the job. Though she was never usually bruised that easily. Her hands pushing through her messy bedhead before letting her head rest against the thin mattress. It wasn’t the nicest thing to sleep on but she wasn’t going to burden Mando by complaining.</p><p>          As she pushed herself to her feet, her hip throbbed again. The wave of pain jolting through her body as she stumbled, catching herself on the wall. She glanced around and spotted the medpack. It was on the table across from her and begging to be used on her hip but she refused. She wasn’t going to use more of Mando’s things than what was necessary. She was used to pain and wounds. She pushed off the wall, taking slow deep breaths. She let her body adjust before she walked to the bed. She grabbed the blanket and made the bed.</p><p>          Chilly air caused shivers to run down her spine as she rubbed her arms, walking to the dresser. Mando didn’t seem to understand that she wasn’t wearing all that armour like him. Mandalorian armour had heat regulators which meant while she was freezing cold, he was fine. He refused to make the ship any warmer and it was beyond frustrating. She couldn’t complain though. She had no right to complain. Especially not now, he didn’t want her around. He wanted her gone and she would be more than happy to leave him. She had been nothing but a burden and she hated it.</p><p>         She pulled on some clothes suitable for the climate of Naboo and left her hair down, brushing through it briefly. She managed to tame her hair before glancing around the room, assessing what she would need to take. Grabbing her bag, she began to shove her belongings into it. She had judged the size of bag she needed well and managed to fit most of her clothes and all her personal belongings in with just a little bit of room to spare. She just needed her Mandalorian helmet and then she would be fine to leave. She still wanted to keep that part of herself. As Mando reminded her constantly, she couldn’t wear the helmet but it was still part of her identity.</p><p>          This was probably silly and she knew it. The rational part of her brain telling her that she was being ridiculous, stupid. She knew she was being irrational and that was something that she had been doing a lot. Acting irrationally and being stupid. She would never have done it before she lost her helmet but now she had, what was the point in thinking straight and being rational, really? She had nothing to live for. Her whole life, the Mandalorian way. She couldn’t, wasn’t allowed to follow it. Not after what the Imperial scum did to her.</p><p>          Walking into the hull, she placed her bag down on one of the chairs. She surveyed the cupboards, debating whether he would have put it in there. She didn’t know any other hiding spots really so she stepped forward and she yanked open one of the cupboards and began to search through. She didn’t know where Mando would have hidden it but she would find it. She usually did. But unlike every other time, she was at least trying to be quiet this time. She didn’t want to get caught. If he caught her leaving, it would only guilt him into letting her stay.</p><p>          The first cupboard held nothing useful, just random junk parts and other random crap that Mando had somehow collected. She moved onto the second cupboard when she knocked some sort of metal cup over. It fell to the floor and made a loud clang against the duristeel of the hull. Saf winced at the sound and her gaze turned to it, glaring darkly, as if it had betrayed her. She muttered incoherent Mando'a curses under her breath and just continued to look, pushing the cup underneath the seat to hide it from sight. Somehow thinking that would stop Mando from checking out the strange noise.</p><p>          It was a few minutes of searching later that she heard something. The sound of Mando climbing down the ladder made her stop as she pulled her head out from the cupboard. She frozen up when she met his visor’s gaze. Her hand moving to hold onto the cupboard door. It took Mando a second longer to realise what was happening, his helmet turning towards the bag and then to her. She was sure he would have been happy to see her leaving but he didn’t seem to be. He seemed to be the opposite, she could see the annoyance etched in his stance.</p><p>          “Where are you going?” He asked as he moved closer to her. Each stride purposeful, “And what are you looking for?” He added as he reached out and slammed the cupboard door shut. That made her flinch and step back as she looked up at him. He was angry? Why was he angry at her? Why wasn’t he happy to see her leave? She was nothing but a burden and he had made that pretty clear.</p><p>          “I’m leaving since you don’t want me here. I just want my Mandalorian helmet before I go,” She responded boldly, trying not to let his anger get to her. Though it was throwing her off, making her question whether her leaving was really what he wanted. She couldn’t just be thrown through a loop like this. She had been so set and now, her plan was crumbling and so were her reasons. She was trying to be brave. Something that she wasn’t very often anymore. Even with the quarries they collected, she much preferred when Mando went in first.</p><p>          “I never said I didn’t want you here,” He responded, his voice cold through the modulator. She went to grab her bag but his gloved hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling her back to look at him, “Saf.” He said, his tone dropping into one more serious. He wasn’t playing about. His gaze piercing hers even through the visor as she tried to look everywhere but at him. Maybe he did want her here but she wasn’t going to admit that. She couldn’t, she had a plan and she couldn’t just let it crumble though it was already mostly gone.</p><p>          “Then what did you mean?” She asked, her tone harsh. She was falling back on being defensive, it was all she had left. Her eyes turning up to meet his gaze. He sighed and gently let go of her hand. He let them drop to his sides and picked up the cup from the floor, taking her bag and throwing it across the room. It skidded along the floor, landing by the ladders with a soft thwack. She glared at it before looking up at him. Her eyebrows furrowed, a frown on her lips.</p><p>          “I don’t want you to leave, Saf,” He said as he opened the cupboard. He was gentle with his movements and he slid the cup back into its rightful place. A soft sigh escaping his lips that was barely audible through the modulator. When he closed the cupboard door, Saf was sat down. Her hands in her lap as she stared off at the wall. She was contemplating her words, turning each one over and over again until she just came out with it.</p><p>          “Then why do I get the feeling that you’d rather I was gone?” She asked as she began to mess with her fingers in her lap. Her gaze turning down to the floor. She just wanted answers but she didn’t seem to be getting them. It was feeding into her anxiety and she just wanted to get up and leave. Leave so she didn’t have to face his rejection. She had already had to leave her life behind as a Mandalorian, she wasn’t sure she could face Mando leaving her in the dirt as well.</p><p>          “You know I don’t, Saf. You’re my friend.” He said as he turned to her. She looked up at him and rather than seeing a face, she was met with the visor. She hated that the most. She couldn’t tell what he was feeling, she didn’t know what he meant. He had a beskar helmet as cover. He could have been lying through his teeth, saying it because he felt guilt. He felt cruel pushing her away after she had her life completely ruined. She didn’t know whether he was really just annoyed and wanted her to leave. You couldn’t work any of it out just from just the way he held himself.</p><p>          “Am I?” She asked, her tone harsh as she looked up at him, “Your friend? Or am I a lost cause that you’re keeping because you’re guilty?” She continued, “You just took me in and I never questioned why. You had no reason to accept me. You had no reason to believe that I’m actually Saf. You took me in based on a helmet and broken armour pieces. How can you trust me? Or even want me here?” She asked, spilling all the thoughts she’d been keeping in her mind for so long. She should have talked about it to him before this. This was not the best time for her anxieties and confusions to come out but here they were, rearing their ugly head. No other time just felt like the right time so of course they came out during an argument.</p><p>          “I know who you are, Saf. I’ve been friends with you since we were children.” He responded as he sat down across from her, “I brought you with me because I want to help you. You were the only one who treated me like I was normal,” He added. He went silent and she just stared at him, gently shaking her head. She stood up and walked to the ladder to grab her bag but Mando’s hand was pushing her back before she could even take a step. She looked up at him, meeting his gaze properly this time. Why wasn’t he just letting her go?</p><p>          “Let me leave. You don’t want me here,” She said looking up to him. She could only see her reflection in the visor and it was unsettling. She wanted to just see his face, know him. Know all of him but she couldn’t. She couldn’t condemn him to her fate. No. That would just be cruel. No matter her desires or the things she thought about late at night, she would never condemn him to the same fate she had been thrown to.</p><p>          "I do. Unpack your bag. We have a quarry,” He said as he moved his hand to behind her back. He turned her around towards her quarters and he then nudged her towards the direction of her quarters. It wasn’t a hard push, not really gentle either. Open, honest. He wanted her to stay here with him. She looked at him before she relented. She went to her room and unpacked her bag. The clothes and little trinkets taking their place back where they were needed. Maybe he did want her here but he just said so little. He didn’t give her what she wanted.</p><p>          But really what did she want? Him to declare that he trusted her wholly and that he was her friend? What? That she was to be trusted because he’d never forget what his childhood crush sounded like? She didn’t know. She didn’t know what to expect from him but she wanted more than just a few words. His few words were never enough. They wouldn’t tell her anything and they still didn’t ease her anxieties.</p><p>          She just sat on the cot for a few moments after she was done unpacking. The mattress was uncomfortable and she could feel her hip beginning to throb again. Mando hadn’t intentionally irritated it but something had. The pain was worse than before but she ignored it, she had been trained to ignore it. She stared at the duristeel grey walls as she just tried to think over what was happening. Why she was here, why any of this was happening. She went to find him and she had managed to find him. Her childhood friend. Why of all the Mandalorians was it him she found? Fate? Luck? She didn’t know but they’d found each other and he’d trusted her, taken her in.</p><p>          Saf would have been happy to find any Mandalorian and hope they took pity on her but the fact that she found Mando. Of all the people she could have found, it was him. It was both wonderful and scary. When she saw him walking towards the Razor Crest that day. The quarry was putting up a fight and he so effortlessly fought them. He had been so graceful and she knew exactly who it was.</p><p>          When he saw her, her heart completely melted at the sight of that beskar helmet. She had missed him and the way he hugged her. The two had been friends throughout their childhoods with the Mandalorian. They had both been saved from the Empire, Saf a few weeks before Mando but when he came in, they were friends so quickly. Most of the other children didn’t particularly like Mando or Saf. There was no reason not to, they just treated them differently. So, the pair stuck together for as long as they could. Eventually with the Empire, only one could go out of the Convent and that was Saf. They barely saw each other after that.</p><p>         But if they ever did, they’d find a private place to talk and though Mando was a man usually of few words, when he was comfortable, he could go on for hours. It was a different side to Mando she hadn’t seen in years. That side of Mando liked the physical contact, the gentle touch and the hugging.</p><p>          Though hugging was something Mandalorian’s never really did. He hugged her that day, one of the few times the other side of him came out, and she cried and he helped her. He had never done the same thing after that. That day was a one-off and she was content with that. She just wished he said more, even now. She wished she could have him be comfortable enough to talk and not be constantly tense or worried. She wanted to find some peace with him but that was unlikely.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>━━━━</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>          The bounty was like most for the pair, an easy catch. They had managed to catch the quarry and they were just staying for the rest of the night on Naboo. Her hip had thankfully not acted up during the chase to catch the quarry. Though now that the adrenaline was gone, it hurt more than ever. She needed rest, they both needed rest, Mando more so than Saf. She was content with him resting though and simply wanted some credits. She needed several drinks, especially after the quarry-hunting that day. The slew of emotions that had rattled through her were enough to make her want to drown herself in Corellian wine or some equally as nice beer but what really put the topping on the cake was her hip.</p><p>          It had acted up continuously and the quarry hunter though easy was long and arduous. It had been three hours before they even caught sight of the quarry and then the chase continued for three longer ones. She had been thankful when Mando finally slammed him against that alley wall. The chase finally ended and Saf’s adrenaline was pumping. Saf did little to help that time and she had instead managed to almost get killed by the mad man they were hunting. Though the only reason she had been caught is because her hip made her stumble, nearly throwing her head first into one of the walls. The quarry managing to hold a knife to Saf’s throat. That annoyed Mando and when she had been saved, she tried to leave but he refused to let her.</p><p>          So instead, she stayed with him. Useless and standing by as he did the rest of the quarry on his own. Even as they moved back to the ship, Mando wasn’t talking. The quarry was bleeding after a particularly harsh punch. His nose most likely broken but it was nothing serious. Not serious enough for Saf to worry but she was still insistent on doing a health check before he went into the carbonite.</p><p>          That annoyed Mando more and by the time they’d got back to the ship, he was ready to punch the wall. She could see his gloves straining against his fists and she wished she could soothe him. But she’d make it worse. She was the reason he was so frustrated in the first place. Her constant gibbering and the fact that she nearly got herself killed sent him spiralling. She needed to be more careful but he couldn’t stop her from being reckless.</p><p>          The man was put into carbonite a moment after they got back onto the ship and Mando made his way across the hull. Saf was holding herself against the wall, trying to act natural despite the pain in her hip. It was becoming overwhelming but still enough to ignore and push back. He was going to his quarters to retire for the night when she spoke up. She looked at him, staring at him. He felt like she was staring into his soul but she was just looking, contemplating.</p><p>          “Can I have a few credits? I want to go to the cantina. Get a drink.” She asked. Her words made him almost scoff. He couldn’t quite believe her. She wanted to drink, now? After her outburst and the fact that she almost got herself killed clearly wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to get drunk and be stupid too? She sensed his annoyance only getting worse but she wasn’t going to stand down.</p><p>          “No,” He responded. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him as she stepped towards him. She observed him for a moment, trying to work out what angle to go at. She knew that he was annoyed but she wasn’t just going to let him not give her her credits. They had made a deal when she joined his bounty hunting.</p><p>          “What do you mean, no? Half of the credits are mine. I just want some.” She said as she stood in front of him. He looked down at her and gently shook his head. He turned to move away but she grabbed his arm and pushed him back to face her. Her strength was clearly better than it had been the first time they reunited. She was getting better, he gave her that but he didn’t have time to be proud of her. Not when she was considering doing smething so stupid.</p><p>           She looked up at him, the pleading desperation in her eyes but he just brushed her hand off. The movement setting her off, she threw a punch first. Going for his stomach but he grabbed her wrist, pushing it back as he stared at her. He was holding the wrist firmly but he hadn’t done anything to hurt her. She was being stupid and he knew it. She didn’t mean it. She didn’t really want to start this fight, especially with her bruised hip. He didn’t know why she hadn’t healed it yet but he wasn’t going to ask. She was her own woman.</p><p>          “Don’t do this again,” He said as he looked down at her. Though he didn’t seem very convincing and it riled her on more. Her other fist moving to punch his helmet but he grabbed that too. He pulled her wrists apart and she then kicked forward. Her foot landing in his stomach as she sent him stumbling back. His grip loosened enough for her to break free. Her hands moving back to her sides as she ignored the throbbing pain in her hip again. Kicking really wasn’t the best move on her part.</p><p>          “It’s my credits, Mando. Don’t be an asshole,” She responded. He rolled his eyes beneath the helmet and looked at her. He really didn’t understand why she was doing this now and he wasn’t going to respond. He wasn’t going to retaliate. She was acting like a child and he wasn’t going to give into her. Not unless she was seriously trying to hurt him.</p><p>          “Maker, I hate you.” She muttered as she stepped back from him. She rubbed her face with her hands and she looked away from him. A soft groan of annoyance escaping her lips as she kicked the cupboard in front of her. She turned to him again and waited to see what he’d do. She could feel his glare even if she couldn’t physically see it, he wasn’t happy about that clearly.</p><p>          He then pulled out a satchel of credits. It wasn’t a lot but it was enough for her to get a few drinks. He chucked them at her, gently shaking his head. He didn’t say anything else as he walked away back to his quarters, leaving her with the credits and her own swirling thoughts. He knew he’d given into her childish habits but he didn’t want to deal with something else. If she wasn’t going to back down and was willing to start punching and hitting a lot harder, he would just give in. He didn’t have the energy to argue or fight with her and he really didn’t want to harm her anymore than what had already happened.</p><p>          It took her a moment to calm down enough and she looked at the door to his quarters. She could apologise but she just didn’t want to. He’d made her feel so many things, she just needed to drown out her emotions and the pain that was only becoming more prominent. The best way to do that was alcohol and maybe a one-night stand. Something she had experienced a limited number of times but always got out her frustrations and managed to make her feel a little better She hated using people for her own selfish needs but if they were both doing it for the same reasons, it wasn’t nearly as bad, right?</p><p>          She turned to the ramp and pressed the buttons to let herself out. Mando was stood in his quarters listening to see what would happen. He heard the ramp and he let out a soft sigh, pulling his helmet off as he walked to the ‘fresher. He didn’t know what to even say to her to make her understand that he trusted her. So, he just said nothing. He wasn’t good at dealing with his emotions. Especially her overflowing and ridiculous amount. He had been comfortable with the Saf he once knew but this girl, he barely even knew who she was though he was determined to trust her. His feelings he held about the Mandalorian Saf still held up with this version. They really only got bigger and more prominent though he never said anything. How could he? He was bad with emotions.</p><p>           So was she. So as she trudged through the streets of Naboo, she let them overwhelm her. The tears escaping as they dripped down her cheeks. She tried to ignore them and ignore the sad feeling. Push down the pit in her stomach and swallow the lump in her throat but it was so difficult. She was usually good at pushing emotions away and processing them in different ways but today was not ones of those days</p><p>          She felt rejected by everyone. Even by him. And he was the only person that knew who she was and that she was still alive after everything. He was the only one that could ever stand with her and help her. Nobody else would and nobody else wanted to. Not in the time of chaos especially on the outer rim. She had nowhere to turn and if she did leave Mando, what would happen to her? Would the leftover Imperials find her and kill her? Attack her? Maim her? She didn’t know. She didn’t want to think about it but Mando would eventually get sick of her. She would eventually have to face that very real reality.</p><p>          As she pushed the door to the cantina open, it dawned on her that she was nothing without Mando. She was nobody without Mando and the life that she still clung onto even if it was long gone. She hated that she was nothing without him but she couldn’t change it. She could never change that because he’d saved her. Even if they didn't talk like they used to, he’d picked up the fragile broken pieces of her and tried to fit her back together. It was working, to some extent. She was getting herself back together but she was still missing a part of herself. The Mandalorian part of herself.</p><p>          So with a heavy heart, she sat down and ordered the strongest but cheapest drink she could. She wanted to get drunk quickly and cheaply. She didn’t care if she’d make any stupid mistakes anymore. She didn’t care what happened as long as she was inebriated enough to forget the awful day she was having. That’s all she wanted. To forget everything.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>━━━━ </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I apologise for it being a month since I last updated, these updates are going to be relatively sporadic since I put a whole lot of effort into these chapters. This one is a little under 5,000 words which is not usually how long my chapter are but here we are. Either way I hope you this chapter and I do hope to update this more frequently in the future!</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. update on this story</h2></a>
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    <p>hello, sorry this has not been updated in months, i decided to replan and write it so at some point in the coming months that will be happening! the story will be relatively similar but just some plot improvements so i hope anyone who is reading this will stick around for that &lt;3</p>
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